Humorous and observational stories about dating, work, aging, society, everyday life, and the strange things human beings do.
Rush-hour driving through suburban America has become an unofficial motorsport. From stoplight drag racers and powdered-donut tailgaters to drivers who believe speed limits are merely suggestions, welcome to another installment of The Driving Chronicles. … More Red Light, Green Light, Go! Go!! Go!!!
When Kind Words Come with Terms and Conditions There’s something fascinating about the human ability to take a perfectly good compliment and completely destroy it with three additional words. I’ve never quite understood it. Someone walks up to you and says, “You look really good!” Well, thank you. That’s very kind of you. Then they … More The Chronicles of the Compliment
When Your Convenience Becomes Everyone Else’s Inconvenience I’ve come to the conclusion that we’ve completely lost our understanding of what a drive-thru is supposed to accomplish. The concept seems relatively simple. You drive up. You conduct a transaction. You drive away. The entire purpose is convenience and efficiency. At least, that’s what I thought. Apparently, … More The Chronicles of the Drive-Thru Hostage
I have recently concluded that there are only three possibilities. America is suffering from a catastrophic shortage of turn-signal bulbs. Nobody remembers what the little stick on the left side of the steering column does. Or we have collectively decided that where we’re going is nobody else’s damn business. I don’t know which one concerns … More The Chronicles of the Broken Blinker
It is October. The leaves are beginning to change. The temperature is dropping. Sweaters are emerging from closets. Somewhere, a woman wearing boots and an oversized scarf is taking a picture of a coffee next to a decorative gourd. And apparently, I am supposed to be excited about pumpkin spice. I am not. Every year, … More The Pumpkin Spice Chronicles
Apparently, I’m Not Qualified to Invent Lunch A few days ago, I had an idea. Not just any idea. An idea so remarkably simple that I couldn’t believe a multibillion-dollar corporation hadn’t already thought of it. So, I did what any reasonable person recovering from surgery with time on their hands would do. I submitted … More The Chronicles: They Stole My Hamburger, Part II
I did something today that may eventually make someone very wealthy. Unfortunately, I have a strong suspicion that someone will not be me. I submitted a new product idea to a major fast-food company. I’m not going to tell you which company. I’m not going to tell you what the product is. And I’m definitely … More The Chronicles of the Unemployed Man: They Stole My Hamburger
I spend more time on LinkedIn these days than I used to. Part of that comes with looking for opportunities, making professional connections, sharing my writing and generally trying to convince the professional world that I remain a productive member of society. And I’ve noticed something. LinkedIn may be the happiest place on Earth. Forget … More The LinkedIn Chronicles
I just came from Planet Fitness…the Judgment Free Zone. And on the drive home, I started thinking about those words. Is there actually such a thing? Not a judgment-free gym. A judgment-free anything. Because no matter where you go, the gym, the coffee shop, the grocery store, Walmart, work, church, a restaurant, someone is looking … More Chronicles of the Judgment-Free Zone
There is a strange ritual that almost every adult eventually experiences. The job search. It begins with optimism. You find the posting. You read the description. You think, “I can do this.” Maybe this is the opportunity. Maybe this is the door that finally opens. So, you update your resume. You write the cover letter. … More Chronicles of the Job Seeker: The Perfect Candidate Does Not Exist