Troy P Zehnder

Everyone has someone in their life who they consider their “strong friend.” The friend who is always there in a pinch. Someone who listens, volunteers, and will help carry a burden that sometimes seems to heavy to carry alone. You may consider yourself a strong friend and you likely are to someone, but even strong friends require strong friends. The best therapists also have therapists, as the stress of listening to the problems of others has a naturally occurring detrimental effect on the human psyche. What happens if you lose your strong friend though? How would it affect you?

Most people have heard the phrase, “Be sure to check on your strong friend.” Do you realize that the majority of the time it is the strong friend that is saying this and subtly asking for you to reach out because they need you this time? The strong friend is not always ok. The strong friend is often carrying more than they will ever openly share. Why? What are some characteristics of the strong friend?

The strong friend is strong because they’ve been put in positions where the only one they felt they could count on is themselves, therefore openness is a foreign concept. The strong friend possesses the “alpha” personality, the leader who quietly says “follow me, I got this.” Typically, this is because they just don’t trust anyone as much as they trust themselves. The strong friend is selfless. They look for no rewards, and their greatest pain is the feeling that they let someone else down. The strong friend will typically tend to choose anonymity over glory. They prefer the shadows over awards, but are ecstatic to get an unexpected pat on the back and a simple “I appreciate you.” The shadow the strong friend resides in is self isolation, usually because they feel as if no one else, or very few, can understand the experiences they have been through and it is easier to just not talk to anyone unless called upon.

The strong friend is mission oriented, and requires purpose. When there is no perceived purpose to focus on, disaster can quickly arise. The strong friend is most likely to have hidden vices to help deal with internal feelings they just cannot bring themselves to share. The “No one would understand, or care” syndrome. Their only purpose becomes to find the next mission to remain focused on. The strong friend is highly intelligent with a keen understanding of their surroundings. The strong friend is easily annoyed, but easily placated as well. They merely need to see a modest return on the mission’s success. The possibility of failure is devastating to the strong friend. The strong friend feels as if they walk alone, even if it is their own choice…they can’t escape it. The strong friend carries unimaginable burdens that no one ever sees or hears. The strong friend is only strong because they choose to be. Strong friends are easily taken for granted.

Strong friends are not perfect. They have weaknesses. They have needs that are never known. They are unfulfilled. They are often not happy even if they are kind and smiling. The strong friend is good at hiding their emotions…until its too late. I have lost strong friends. I have almost lost strong friends. When society becomes more chaotic, the burden on strong friends intensifies. If you are a strong friend, or have a strong friend, it is imperative to recognize the purpose served in this life. Take the time to ensure your strong friend has the resources available for help coping. NAMI is a tremendous resource available for assisting those who have been strong alone for too long. The All Secure Foundation is another fantastic resource that focuses on helping veterans overcome issues. The weight of burdens is not a mental illness, but it could easily become a mental issue if there appears to be only one way out to lighten the load.

Do not lose your strong friends. This is an abnormal time, with abnormal problems. Your strong friend is suffering along with you. Take the time to be engaging. Be cognizant of what they bring to your life. Try to imagine if they were no longer there to be taken for granted. It is a terrible pain to lose someone you never knew needed help, and the fact that help is as simple as a phone call or a visit makes it even worse. While you are busy taking the time to think about saving others from a virus, please take the time to think about saving your strong friends from themselves. Make a call.

Many Blessings,

Troy