Relationships are a gift from God, designed to reflect His love and bring us closer to Him and each other. But not every relationship reflects His heart—and Scripture gives us clear warnings about certain behaviors and attitudes that are harmful to any relationship. Let’s explore some of the red flags the Bible identifies as destructive.
1. Lying and Deception
“Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight.” — Proverbs 12:22 (ESV)
Trust is foundational in any relationship. When lying enters the picture—whether it’s about little things or big things—it breaks the bond of trust and fosters insecurity. God values honesty, not just in words, but in motives and actions too. A relationship without transparency is built on shaky ground.
2. Pride and Selfishness
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” — Philippians 2:3 (ESV)
When one partner is always focused on their own needs, desires, or ego, the relationship becomes one-sided. Pride blocks true connection, while humility opens the door for understanding, compassion, and growth. Selfishness puts “me” over “we,” and that’s not how love works.
3. Uncontrolled Anger
“A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.” — Proverbs 15:18 (NIV)
Anger isn’t always sinful, but when it goes unchecked—through yelling, manipulation, or abuse—it becomes toxic. God calls us to be slow to anger (James 1:19-20) and to handle conflict with gentleness and love. A relationship filled with rage or intimidation is not a safe or godly space.
4. Bitterness and Unforgiveness
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger… Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV)
Every couple experiences hurt. But when we choose to hold onto bitterness or keep score of past wrongs, it poisons the relationship. The Bible teaches us to forgive—not because the other person always deserves it, but because God first forgave us. A heart hardened by bitterness will never know the full depth of love.
5. Sexual Immorality
“Flee from sexual immorality… he who sins sexually sins against his own body.” — 1 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV)
God’s design for intimacy is beautiful and powerful, but when misused outside the bounds of God’s intent, it can lead to emotional and spiritual damage. When lust or infidelity enters a relationship, it often brings shame, broken trust, and distance from God’s best.
6. Manipulation and Control
“Love… does not insist on its own way.” — 1 Corinthians 13:5 (ESV)
God doesn’t manipulate us, and He never intended for love to be about control. Whether it’s emotional manipulation, guilt-tripping, or dominance, these tactics destroy intimacy. Healthy love sets boundaries, honors free will, and fosters mutual respect.
7. Lack of Spiritual Unity
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” — 2 Corinthians 6:14 (ESV)
This one may be tough, but it’s vital. If two people aren’t spiritually aligned, it creates tension, especially when it comes to core values, purpose, and raising children. A relationship is strongest when both partners are pursuing God together, encouraging one another in faith.
Final Thoughts
The Bible doesn’t just give us a list of “don’ts” to shame us—it gives us wisdom to protect us. God desires relationships that reflect His love, patience, kindness, and truth. If you recognize some of these unhealthy patterns in your own relationships, it’s never too late to bring it before God, seek counsel, and make a change.
Love is more than emotion—it’s a daily decision to honor God and one another. Let’s choose the kind of love that builds up, not tears down. The bible doesn’t say anything that is good is easy, only that it’s worth it.
Troy P Zehnder 