Troy P Zehnder

How Perception, Self-Worth, and Emotional Disparity Shape Our Relationships

We all see ourselves through a certain lens—sometimes cracked, sometimes overly polished, but never quite accurate. The truth is, people often see us very differently than we see ourselves. And that gap in perception? It can shape our relationships in ways we don’t always understand.

If you carry high self-worth, you might find yourself wondering why others don’t appreciate you the way you believe they should. It can feel like you’re giving your best, standing in your light, but no one sees it or acknowledges it. On the flip side, if your self-worth is low, even the kindest compliment can feel like a lie. You question the sincerity. You brush it off. You tell yourself they must be mistaken, or just being nice.

We’ve all experienced love that wasn’t returned with the same intensity. You could pour your heart into someone, feel the world rise and fall with their presence, and still be met with indifference. And the cruel irony? Someone else could feel that way about you, and you wouldn’t feel the same back.

It’s strange how perception works.

You may think you’re failing—stumbling through life unsure and unseen—while others are quietly admiring your strength, your resilience, your heart. We often say, “I don’t care what people think,” but if we’re being honest, there are always one or two people whose opinions can make or break our day. When they don’t see us the way we wish they would, it hurts. Deeply. Sometimes more than we’re willing to admit.

So what do you do? Do you cut people off who don’t reciprocate the energy or love you give? Or do you accept them for who they are, even if it means lowering your expectations and settling for less than you hoped? Is it better to have them in your life halfway… than not at all?

And here’s the part most of us don’t think about enough: we assume people will always be there. We take their presence as a constant instead of a choice. But nothing in life is promised—not time, not relationships, not even tomorrow.

That’s why when I gauge how much someone means to me, I ask myself one question:
If they were gone tomorrow—if I never saw their face, heard their voice, or felt their presence again—how would I feel?
If I’d be devastated, they’re important. Maybe more than I’ve been willing to admit.
If I’d move along just fine, then maybe they’re not as vital as I once thought.

There are very few people in life who will love you more than you love yourself. People who would sacrifice anything for your smallest piece of happiness. People who see you as more than you see yourself. And when you find those rare souls—don’t take them for granted. Don’t treat them poorly just because you’re unsure of yourself or uncertain of their motives.

They don’t come around often.
They’re the kind of people who stay.
Even when it’s hard.
Even when it costs them something.

Hold onto those people.
And maybe—just maybe—try to see yourself through their eyes for once.