Troy P Zehnder

We’ve all heard the phrase, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” It’s a piece of advice we give ourselves and others when we’re running on empty, a reminder to take time for self-care before we burn out. But sometimes, self-care is easier said than done. There are moments when your emotional resources are being drained faster than you can refill them, and simply taking a step back doesn’t seem to do much.

Think of it like managing your finances. You can only spend what you’ve got, and if the outflow exceeds the inflow, you’ll quickly find yourself in a deficit. If your bank account is empty, you can cut back spending or take on a second job to balance things out. But when it comes to emotional health, things aren’t so simple. You can’t just stop caring or withhold love from the people who need it because your cup is too empty.

Sometimes, you have to keep showing up, even when you have nothing left to give.

When the Stream Runs Dry
Imagine a giant lake with a river running out of it, constantly feeding the needs of those downstream. This lake is your heart, and the river is the love and support you give to others. But that lake doesn’t stay full on its own. It needs a stream to refill it, to keep the water level high enough for the river to flow.

If the stream stops—if no one is there to refill the lake—the water level will begin to drop. Eventually, the lake will run dry. You can’t make more rain, and you can’t force the stream to run faster. But the people downstream still depend on the water you provide, whether you’re full or empty.

So what do you do when your cup is empty, and you can’t refill it yourself?

The Importance of Other People
This is where the quote hits a snag. Sometimes, self-care isn’t enough. Sometimes, we need others to help us refill our cup. But that’s not always easy. The people around us, whether family, friends, or partners, need to be the ones who offer the right kind of support—through their actions, their words, and their treatment of us. They help to replenish our energy, our joy, and our hope, just as the stream helps to refill the lake.

But what happens if they don’t give enough? What happens if the people who are supposed to fill us up are too busy, too distant, or simply unable to give us what we need? When that happens, we’re left standing next to an empty cup, feeling hollow, waiting for something to change that we have no control over. It’s a painful place to be, and there isn’t always something we can do on our own to fill the void.

We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Feeling as though we’re giving so much to others, but nothing is coming back in return. We give, and give, and give, hoping that someone—anyone—will step in and refill us. But sometimes, the stream dries up.

The Need for Connection
It’s easy to say, “I don’t need anyone,” but deep down, we all need someone. Even the most independent among us can’t live in a vacuum, isolated from the people who make our lives whole. The person who holds the most water for us—the person who truly nourishes our soul—has the power to keep us going. But without them, we’ll always feel empty. And if they’re not there when we need them most, the emptiness grows even louder.

Self-care is vital, but it’s also a delicate balancing act. Caring for others—loving them, supporting them, showing up for them—is often the thing that drains us the most. And yet, we do it willingly, because we love them. But sometimes, the act of caring for others can empty us so completely that we can’t even care for ourselves anymore.

The Willingness to Run Dry
I’ve found myself in that place where my lake is nearly empty, where I’m pouring out everything I have for someone else, knowing that I have nothing left for me. And yet, I’m willing to let my lake run dry if it means the person downstream has what they need until it’s gone. There’s a certain sacrifice in that—an understanding that sometimes, loving someone else means giving them all you have, even when it leaves you empty.

And that’s okay. It’s part of who we are. It’s part of the love we give, the support we offer, and the connection we need to survive. Because sometimes, even when our cup is empty, showing up for others is the only thing that can keep us going.

In the end, the question isn’t about whether we can refill our own cup. It’s about whether we have the courage to let someone else fill it for us when we need it most. And in doing so, we make sure that, if the lake runs dry, we’re not alone in the emptiness.