The following is based on personal experience, the number of people I’ve seen post on social media who suffer heartache, and those who long for their partner who’s passed on. The pain is real. It isn’t silly, and can still exist within a loving relationship that hasn’t developed to the sacred level its meant to.
Have you ever missed someone so deeply that it actually made you feel physically ill?
Not just emotionally drained—but sick to your stomach, sleepless, anxious, even in pain? If you have, you’re not imagining it. The connection between emotional longing and physical illness is very real—and very human.
The Body Doesn’t Separate Heart and Mind
We tend to treat love and longing like they only live in the heart. But the truth is, they live in the whole body. When we deeply desire to be with someone—especially someone we love intimately—our entire nervous system gets involved.
The absence of a loved one can trigger the same stress responses that physical danger does:
- Your cortisol levels spike (stress hormone)
- Your appetite drops or cravings increase
- You may experience nausea, fatigue, or muscle tension
- Sleep gets disrupted
- You can even experience chest pain or a racing heart
These are not just metaphors. Your body is literally crying out in response to separation.
Emotional Attachment and Withdrawal
In close relationships, we form what psychologists call attachment bonds. These bonds release chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine, which make us feel secure, happy, and grounded.
When that connection is strained—or when you’re physically apart—your brain reacts much like it would to withdrawal from a drug. You’re craving presence, touch, closeness. And not having it can cause:
- Emotional dysregulation
- Mood swings or depressive episodes
- A feeling of being “off” or unwell without a clear explanation
Longing, in this sense, is not just poetic. It’s biochemical.
Why Heartache Feels Like Pain
Brain imaging studies show that the areas of the brain activated by emotional pain (like heartbreak) are the same areas that process physical pain.
That gut-wrenching ache? The lump in your throat? The fatigue that seems to wrap around your chest? Those are all signs that your nervous system is experiencing real distress—just like it would if you were physically hurt.
What Can You Do About It?
If you’re feeling sick over someone you love, you’re not broken. You’re human. And love—especially deep, transformative love—was never meant to be held at a distance for long.
Here are a few ways to cope:
- Acknowledge the ache. Denying it doesn’t make it go away. Name what you feel—it brings clarity and relief.
- Stay connected in small ways. If physical presence isn’t possible, find meaningful connection through words, voice, prayer, or even memories.
- Move your body. Exercise helps release tension and regulates your mood.
- Lean into spiritual grounding. Prayer, Scripture, or meditative reflection helps align your inner world when your outer world feels chaotic.
- Talk to someone. Whether it’s a counselor, a trusted friend, or God—voice your longing. It heals.
Final Thought: Love That Hurts Is Still Holy
Longing for someone isn’t weakness. It’s a sign of depth. It’s proof that the love you share is more than convenience or surface affection—it’s sacred, embodied, and deeply tied to your sense of peace.
If you’re hurting from distance, take heart. Your ache is valid. And in time, love that’s real finds a way back to where it belongs.
Troy P Zehnder 